A Year of Many Changes

I suppose that for me, the year 2010 is one for the record books.

Unfortunately, I haven't written on this particular blog in a while because of health issues (which I've gone into detail on another blog that I'll link to this site one of these days) as well as wanting to keep this one related more to my writing than whining about my personal problems.

(Erm, yeah, right.)

Anyway, here's a quick rundown of my life since I last posted here. This past May, I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma of the breast and ended up having to get a mastectomy on my right side. Suffice it to say that though it was not a fun experience, I did get very, very lucky in that they caught it early. So early, in fact, that I don't even need radiation or chemo. This demoralized me and distracted me so much from my writing that it's taken me a couple of months to get my head screwed back on straight. The cancer, according to the docs, is gone -- for now. There is a small chance that it may return, but for now they can't do anything else for me.
For more detail on my harrowing journey, see this link to a story I wrote on Breastcancerstories.org:

http://www.breastcancerstories.org/chapter/71531

It's funny how much your life can change in so short a time period. The thing about cancer is that when the "C-Bomb" is dropped on you, you suddenly remember all those stupid little things you always wanted to do in your life but could never find the time. You think you have all the time in the world and then suddenly there's the possibility that you can have as little as 6 months left to live. The idea of the grim reaper knocking on your front door has a way of changing your perspective in a hurry. So, when I invested a great deal of money in a business only to watch it fizzle to nothing and then got the cancer diagnosis, I felt like I'd been hit in the face with a shovel. Have you ever cried uncontrollably while you were laughing your ass off at the same time? Yeah, that happened to me. As one friend asked me, "What the hell did you do to piss God off?" It was like a sick cosmic joke, my colossal bad luck. Still, the experience has forced me to ask myself, "What exactly do I want to do with my life?"

There is only one answer to that -- the only answer there has ever been: I want to write.

I never did try to revive the Express. Instead, I'm chalking it up as a learning experience, one that I don't really regret, looking back on it now. Before I kick the bucket (whenever that day will be) at least I can honestly say that I was once a publisher. In regard to the cancer, I went through my "boo hoo" grieving period and got over it relatively quickly. Even though it still looms large in my life, it's not ruling my every moment. Life goes on.

And now, back to the subject of writing.

I've been reworking my MS for "Lord of Shadows," calling it now "Shadow World," and my research has taken me to some interesting places both online and in real life. Without going too much into the plot, my queries on the book's theme have connected me to some interesting people (even if they're a bit wacko) in the UFO community. These include people peripherally involved in the "Skinwalker Ranch" story, where shadow folk have been seen on a regular basis.

From there I was led to another guy named "Chuck" who discussed at length his UFO abductee experiences (and whom, I concluded, has to be a textbook paranoid schizophrenic). He describes daily visits by glowing ethereal beings who communicate to him via a homeless man who "channels" alien messages for the supposed benefit of mankind every Thursday at 7:00pm, Pacific Daylight Time. I eventually wandered on and found even more strangeness. On one long-forgotten paranormal site, I discovered yet another paranoid schizophrenic who regaled me with his theories of "God as a Predatory Superbeing." That was neat - so neat that I'm probably going to actually include part of his theory in my writings somehow, citing him as a source, of course. Just because he's nuts doesn't mean he shouldn't get credit for his ideas.

A source is a source, of course, of course. La, la, la.

Then, after months of alternately reading up on black magic and M-Theory, I finally arrived at a fork in the road concerning my theme. I had to make a decision as to whether or not I wanted to take this in a "demonic" or a "UFO" direction. The demonic path would be easier to write, but the UFO angle is more interesting -- at least to me. So, I flipped a coin and am now going with the sci-fi version, hence the renaming of the book. When you write sci-fi, though, you're expected to use actual science as a backdrop to the story to help suspend disbelief. That's been tough, but I think I've got most of it nailed down now. It's difficult for a right-brained, math-abhorring, creative-type person to wrap their head around things like "quantum tunneling" and "wave particle duality." I've had to sit down and read Stephen Hawking and watch Michio Kaku videos, for God's sake! But, such sacrifices must be made in the interest of writing.

Anyway, as long as I love the paranormal and can turn it into a story people will actually want to read, I don't mind the research. I find UFO people endlessly fascinating. Why? I have no real idea, except that I've had a few experiences of my own along that line that I can't truly explain away, so I can't call an Abductee crazy with any real confidence. I'll leave that to the hard-core skeptics out there in the world.

First draft of "Shadow World" is almost complete. I just need to wind it up and resolve a few things. Then I'm going to rewrite it yet again to tighten it up. I tend to be wordy and I have a lot of chiseling to do on that MS. On the bright side, though, I think this is going to be "the one."

Maybe. We'll see.

It would be nice to be able to put "published author" or "best-selling novelist" in my obituary along with the word "publisher" before all's said and done.

Until later,

Jill