Opening Lines
And why they're so bloody hard to do...

I've been working on several stories as of late, and just submitted one to a new critique group I joined last month (filled with members from the UK).

The story I turned in was one that I'd posted to an American-based crit group a long time ago, and they'd hated it. Well, I made some changes to the narrative as well as the opening paragraph, and posted half of it online.

The new group loves it.

I was floored when I saw their reactions to it. I asked a couple of them what it was about the story that they loved, and I got about seven replies saying that it was the opening paragraph that drew them in and made them read on. I was pleased, because I'd worked on that paragraph for over a month. It is as follows:

"Spring is and always has been my least favorite time of the year. Sure, everyone loves the smell of fresh rain and the brilliant bursts of floral color exploding to the left and right, but I find no joy in it. In the greasy skies of March lurk creatures of great power. They're several miles wide, several miles tall, and they kill without impunity."

The story is about a woman who nearly dies when she and her therapist attempt to face her fear of thunderstorms head-on. I beamed with pleasure when I read the return crits on the first half of the story, as well as requests to the group's moderator to post the second half early (because they're dying to know what happens next).

This is a good thing, when people are clamoring to read the rest of your story. And the secret to drawing them in is a good opening line or paragraph. I've never been good at writing the ever-elusive One Line Hook. For instance, I'm already arguing with someone over my use of the word 'impunity' above. It was the closest thing I could find that described what I wanted to say - which was, basically, that the 'beasts' later described in the story kill without feeling it. In other words, they kill, not as a 'punishment,' but because they simply 'do.' I still think my word works, but rather than explaining it to everyone who reads the story, I'll try to find something better. The One Line Hook, because it must be a 'loaded' sentence, is very hard to pull off. Most 'average' writers usually settle for a paragraph to hook the reader.

The more famous one-line openers are:

'Call me Ishmael.'
'It was the best of times and the worst of times.'
'It ain't the heat, it's the humility.'

It's hard to come up with something so brilliant as each of the lines above, but writers do it every day. I can come up with a smashing 'last line' with no problem. In "The Rose and the Dandelion,' my main character, Jason, speaks Spanish for the first time in his life when he's forced to say goodbye to his long-time crush (or rather, obsession) Rosa Gutierrez: 'Te quiero, mi tula Rosa.'

In the above case (you'd have to read the last few paragraphs to understand the context), the line is simple and it just works, period. Where do the really great writers come up with them? In dreams? Or does the perfect line just 'pop in there,' unbidden? My guess is that the perfect opening line comes after many weeks of careful consideration over the effect of each and every word in the sentence. It's like pulling Scrabble tiles, except there's an entire word on each piece, and you have to sit there and think about the impact of each and every tile you use when composing that first, ultra-important sentence.

No, writing is not easy, period. Plenty of people have opened up a cheap paperback (or even a not-so-cheap hardback) and upon finishing it, they think, "Hell, even I could write something better than this crap." Well, sorry to say, even the crappy books held some sort of merit to an editor or publisher somewhere. Sometimes I wonder just how lousy the books they rejected were. I run into amateur, beginning writers on the Net all the time. I read their stories and critique them several times a week, and after a while, I get tired of seeing the same old dumb mistakes. But then, I catch myself, remembering how crappy I wrote in the beginning, back when I thought I could write a better novel than the cheesy ones I'd bought of the bookshelf at B&N.

The hardest part, I think, of writing a story or a novel is that first line or paragraph. You want to set the scene for the reader, make them see right away what's going and make them ask questions about what they're 'seeing' in their mind's eye, and make them care enough to keep reading. Simply describing a bunch of stuff isn't good enough, not anymore. Tolkien could get away with his liberal doses of description, but not these days. He'd get rejected for being too wordy. No, a writer needs to find just the right balance of scene and description that draws the reader in and holds them, without dumping too much information at once.

A line from one of my short stories, 'Dirty Red,' starts off with:

'Dirty Red stepped off the bus, carrying a satchel under her arm and a switchblade tucked into her thigh-high boot.'

That's the closest I've ever come to a one-line hook. No, it's not great, but it does make the reader interested in this girl, who in the very next line, is revealed as a would-be murderess in search of her father, a known pedophile. I remember the reviews I got on that story very well. Some thought it was too short and could have been developed further (no one believed a 17 yr old girl would want to murder a full-grown man), and others hated it because it 'challenged their comfort zones' - whatever the hell that means.

Let it be said that no writer can please everyone. There will always be someone out there that hates what you write. Your goal (as well as mine) is to make at least some readers happy. Ultimately the only person you can really make happy with your writing is yourself. Get that part right, and all else will follow.

Writing to Pass the Time...

Well, now that I've just started novel number seven (in a series of unfinished works), I'm trying to stay focused and FINISH SOMETHING!

Part of the problem is that I've been getting distracted too easily. So much stuff has come up in the last few weeks that I just can't keep my head clear of crap.

Okay, so here's what I've accomplished in the last month (or so):

1. I'm five chapters into 'Fly Girl' - the mystery that I'd earmarked for the Sarah Ann Freed Mystery Novel Contest. Deadline is July 1st, so kiss that one bye-bye. I'll still write the novel, though, just to see if I can do it.

2. I've outlined and built a synopsis for 'Daughter Jones,' my historical mystery/romance, set in 1830's West Virginia. *Problem with this one is that I don't know how I want to open the first scene. Right now, I'm about to flip a coin to choose between two completely different scenarios.

3. 'Screamer's Club' is dead in the water. I liked my original formula, but my critique group all agreed that the plot is too far-fetched and readers won't buy into it. I may return to it some time down the road, if a good idea on how to make the plot more plausible occurs to me.

4. 'The Rose and the Dandelion' (my mainstream fiction 180,000-word epic) is just three chapters from completion. I'll need to do some serious chopping on this one, though - far too long.

5. 'Cold January Mourning' is completed and in the editing stage. *Problem with this one is that it's also way too long (130,000 words), so I'm considering cutting an entire subplot.

6. I've completed nine more short stories, one of which I'm planning to submit to the Atlantic Monthly Journal (ha, ha).

So that's about it. I've been piddling, mostly, but I'd like to at least wrap up 'Cold January Mourning' and get it packaged & sent off sometime in the next two months. Don't know if that will happen, though. I really WANT to finish 'The Rose and the Dandelion,' but I can't see that happening anytime soon, either.

Someone from a crit board I belonged to challenged me to a novel-writing contest (of sorts). I bragged a while back that I had written a complete 90,000 word novel in two weeks (which I did), and that person didn't believe me and dared me to write another. So, not willing to let a thrown gauntlet lie, I took up the challenge, which is to begin on July 1st and ending on July 14th. I have to post the entire document online by that date, using a rather unique prompt that will be given to me on the morning of July 1st. I can do it, no sweat. 90,000 words in two weeks isn't shit to me. I write 7,500 words a day while just messing around.

The prize? I get futher bragging rights, which I will take full advantage of when the time comes. The novel doesn't have to be polish-perfect on July 14th, just written in a generally cohesive manner. I can even do better than that - I can write a 90K-worder AND have it be cohesive in plot. There might be some typos, but the writing will be right.

Anyhoo, I'm geting ready to go on vacation this week and I swear before God that I will finish either CJM or R&D by the following week. I've been sitting on my laurels for far too long since my last rejection letter (yes, I was a little burnt by that one).

Well, that's it for now.

Writing on....
Jillian