I Need to Write a Mystery Novel in 60 Days or Less...

It can't be done. I've tried.

I'm flailing about, trying to find something I can package up and send in for a mystery novel contest, the deadline for which is the first of July. I began writing two different novels from scratch when I first discovered the contest back in March. However, those turned out to be pure crap because they don't have a solid hook or storyline.

So, what it's come down to is this:

If I want to enter that contest, I'm going to have to clean up 'Cold January Mourning' and edit the hell out of it. The biggest problem is that the novel was one I wrote back in '99, when I had a lot of spare time on my hands. It also measures about 180,000 words, which I'll need to cut literally in half.

Sounds easy at first, doesn't it? Trust me, it's not. I love every single one of those chapters, but as they say, I'll need to 'kill my darlings.' I admit, there are a few chapters that are unnecessary tangents to the main plot, and are there simply for reasons of character development. I could cut at least six or seven of those. I could also eliminate one entire sub-plot involving the accused murderess. Heck, that would cut at least 30,000 words right there. Actually, I thought of doing that before, but wasn't quite sure if I really wanted to do it. And there will be a great deal of rewriting in order to condense the book down, which will involve checking my 'clues' and 'red herrings' just to make sure I don't have unexplained events or loose ends.

Well, there's about 60 days left until the deadline, and I'll need at least a week of that for formatting the MS to the standard double-spaced 250 words per page, in Courier type. Blecchh... as a graphics designer, I despise Courier type.

That decided, I guess I'll be spending the next two months carving up my novel. I also need to double-check my research on the exact duties of S.L.E.D. agents (South Carolina Law Enforcement Division - their state police). Stupidly, I put a S.L.E.D. agent in the story and now I need him to make the plot work. In a nutshell, I have to get the nitty gritties on his job right, or else I'll look like an idiot to anyone from S.L.E.D. who happens to glance at the book (should it be published).

Getting information out of S.L.E.D. hasn't been easy - every agent I wrote to with questions about their procedures has turned me down flat. Had I been a published author like Patricia Cornwell or others of her ilk, a few doors might have been opened. Right now, the ones I've briefly talked to think I'm a sleazy reporter trying to dig up dirt on their agency. (I'm sure there's dirt there - a S.L.E.D. agent almost ran me off the road back in '93 when he was pursuing another vehicle on the freeway that runs from Charlotte to Myrtle Beach. He gave me the finger as he flew past - and my husband freaked when I gave it right back to the guy).

Anyhow, that aside, if I can't come up with any more info on S.L.E.D., I'll change my agent into a local cop. I didn't want to do that, because I like the 'mystique' of using a relatively unknown state agency that is reminiscent of the Las Vegas 'Nasty Boys.' They're both 'gunslinger-type' state police organizations that target narcotics. (I've seen the Nasty Boys at work, too, when I lived on Flamingo Road in LV, back in the mid 80's. They definitely live up to their name. But, that's another story for another time).

But, I suppose CJM could live without S.L.E.D., if it had to.

So, it appears that if I want to enter that contest, where the prize is ten grand plus a publishing contract, I've got about a month and a half to edit CJM and get it in the mail.

More Rants On Not Being Published Yet...

Why the urgency?

I'm turning 37 in May, and I'm drawing nigh to my 'get published by the age of 40' self-imposed deadline. I don't know if that's realistic or not, because I know a couple of published authors who didn't sell anything until they hit their sixties. I don't know if I'll even live that long, so I need to get on the ball. Besides, if I sell a novel, I want to still be young enough to enjoy the notoriety of it, not to mention the money. I'm tired of going to my online writing club sites and still be the 'outsider' because I haven't published anything significant.

Well, let me take that back. I really don't give a shit about what 'they' think.

I desperately wanted to be in that exclusive 'published author's club.' But, as time went on, I realized it was just a clique of self-published writers. There are maybe two people on the entire site in question that have published with big houses.

One guy, who hangs around on the site, has a blog that states (paraphrased): 'Anyone who tries to talk about writing and hasn't published a book is just farting through their larynx. Get it published, and then you can speak.'

That pretty much says it all.

I don't want to be published just for the 'privilege' of being part of some clique of has-been or mid-list writers. (Many of them have only published one book, period and never sold another). No, what I want is a steady writing career, where I can stay home and pound away on the keyboard to my heart's content and ACTUALLY MAKE MONEY AT IT.

A pipe dream? Maybe, but that's my goal.

In Stephen King's 'On Writing,' he mentions that a writer, in order to be successful, must have not only good writing skills, but talent as well. People have told me that I have talent, it's just the writing skills that I need to get right. One of the two big-selling published authors that I'm acquainted with told me once, "It's not as hard as people think it is to get published. All you have to do is write a story that people will want to read, and it will sell."

Well, still, even if you have the best story in the world, if it's not written right, then you won't be able to sell it anyway.

To me, getting published is like trying to get into an exclusive dance club. The building looks big and flashy, and the door into it is rather small. Outside that door is a big guy named Bubba who checks the people waiting in line to get in. If Bubba likes your book, he gives you a pass. Problem is, Bubba doesn't like that many books. Bubba's ignorant, too. He'll reject a book if it's not formatted exactly the way the club likes, or even if everything's perfect and the only misspelled word is Bubba's name, he'll tell you to hit the bricks. Bottom line: Make Bubba happy and you're in.

I've heard many an unpublished writer cry and whine about submitting manuscripts only to have them rejected countless times. In their view, the publishing industry is deliberately overlooking them for some unknown reason and no one is willing to recognize the given writer's 'genius.' They're convinced that there are worse books out there that got published, and their MS is ten times better than those, so what's the problem?

Problem is that even those so-called 'sucky' books were ones that editors liked.

I had the opportunity on several occasions to look at chapters written by these struggling writers. In each and every case, I could tell why the rejections came after reading the first few paragraphs.

What I saw wrong:

1. No 'Hook' in the opening paragraphs. There's nothing to grab the reader, capture their interest and force them to read on to see what happens next.

2. Some opening paragraphs began with dialogue in the opening sentence, and the reader is introduced to a conversation as though they've just walked into a room and they're forced to try and figure out what the hell the characters are talking about. Some people think this approach is 'beginning right in the middle of the action.' Problem is, it's not activity - it's dialogue.

3. The hook's there, but the buildup's too slow. We're shown a main character, and there's a problem presented. Trouble is, the main character just goes through their daily routine, unaware that there's a problem and the problem isn't even recognized and dealt with until three or four chapters down the road. In other words - there's no tension.

4. The dialogue feels stilted and is boring to read. I've seen so many instances of this that I just don't get it. Normal, everyday conversation just isn't interesting to the reader. Every line of dialogue needs to convey information that does one (or both) of two things: Further the plot with information, or create tension.

5. The writer describes every action that the main character does. The euphemism for this is called, 'One Potato, Two Potato.' Essentially, a character is shown doing things like: 'Pat sets the pot of water on the stove to boil. He turns up the heat and grabs the bag of potatoes. He picks up a potato, peels it carefully. That potato is cut up, dropped into the water and he grabs another." And so on. There's no emotion conveyed within the action, and the action itself doesn't further the plot. Not only that - it's boring.

6. A ton of background narrative. In other words, the trend with new writers these days is to open a scene in omniscient POV, lay a bunch of background info on the reader rather than weaving it in between the action as they go. I think this comes from watching too many movies and TV shows. In movies, the POV is always omniscient, as there's no way to get into a character's head unless there's a voice-over reading their thoughts aloud. Instead, we're shown scenes like the MC standing in the kitchen, tossing dishes against a wall, enjoying the satisfying crunch of glass. You can't really do that in a book written in 3rd person limited POV. In a book, the reader will want to listen in on the thoughts of the individual doing the dish-tossing. Their immediate question would be: 'Okay, why is she breaking all of her dishes?' The bottom line here is that books are NOT movie scripts. So, new writers try to compensate for that by offering big blocks of 'telling' narrative that is supposed to orient the reader as to what led up to why the character tossed dishes against the wall. Thing is, that's the story. Show the dish-tossing, then explain it as you go. With everything explained in past-perfect in the beginning of the novel, why finish reading the book?

These are but a few of things I see when reading stuff by other new writers. I've been studying writing since 1999, and I've learned quite a bit along the way. I rarely get called on basic writing mistakes any more. What I do get called on is a weak story line, or putting 'wooden' characters out there that readers don't care about. I'm learning to fix that, too.

Someone once said about writing fiction: 'The first million words by any unpublished writer are pure garbage. Once you've got past that first million, then you might have something worth reading.'

I took a literal and total head-count of words that I've written for fiction. Counting all of my short stories, completed and incomplete novels, I've got about 850,000 words down. Looking at it that way, I'm pretty close to knowing how the hell to write.

At times, my 'inner critic' gets to me. I hear that little voice saying, "This story is stupid and no one will want to read it." Or I'll hear this: "Yeah, you can string together a few grammatically correct paragraphs, but you'll never be able to draw the reader into the scene. Why? Because you lack TALENT."

I've told stories since I was old enough to talk. I played mind-movies in my head to take my mind off of my loneliness as a teen. I think in scenes rather than just hearing my brain-voice talk. I've seen incredible countries in my mind that I'd love to show other people. The hard part is trying to figure out how to get those visions out of my head and onto paper. I don't really know if I'm talented or not, but I love stories. I must love it, or I wouldn't bother doing it.

Well, for now, my goal is to get a novel sent off to that mystery contest. Hopefully, they'll like it enough to offer me an advance and a contract. Whether that happens or not remains to be seen. I can't lose anything except postage for trying. I honestly believe what my published author acquaintance told me:

If you write a good story that people WANT TO READ, then it will sell.

Thought for the Day:

Writing Halfway Decent Short Stories

Omigod, I actually wrote one of these. I posted a story written from this goofy prompt that was posted in Critical Writing as a challenge, and I made the stupid thing work!

Yayyy, for me!

I think I've discovered the difference between writing a readable short story and writing a synopsis for a novel (which is what a lot of my short stories sound like to others that read them). The trick was to pick one event, one character, a theme that applied only to that situation and then let it play itself out, ending with an epiphany of some sort for the main character.

Well, my ending on that particular story sort of sucked, and the only complaints I received on the story itself was that the MC acted 'out of character' at the end. I could fix that, with a few hundred more words. I can't write a 1,500 word short to save my ass, though. The bare minimum that I could squeeze a believable main character and plot into is 2,800 words. That's the shortest so far, on my record.

The craze these days on crit boards seems to be Flash Fiction, where you write a piece in a thousand words or less and have it actually entertain the reader. Better flash-fic is when you can cram it into 500 words or less. That is damned nigh impossible for me. I just can't do it. Writing a decent short has always eluded me because I didn't understand the difference between a short story and a novel.

How I figured it out:

The light finally came on, not because a word limit was enforced on the crit board, but because I was given five very specific things to work with and had to use only those things. This led me to work out a basic plot in my head and then just sat down to write. I chose one event in a man's life that had to do with a street sweeper, a snow globe, and a pawn shop. With these things, along with two other constraints, like the archetype being a 'fool' and the fact that the story had to be centered around 'fear,' I chose an event and wrote about it.

It worked.

I don't know how, but it did. I normally have to outline a story before I write it, but with this one, I just shot from the hip all the way through it. I cleaned up some wayward grammar and posted the thing - and people LOVED it! Yes, there's a couple of tiny things to fix, mostly on the 'logic' side of the problem that the MC is faced with, but I spotted them as soon as I posted it. I can fix those with no problem. I'm so full of joy that I wish I had someone to share it with! (My husband, who isn't interested in anything other than fishing doesnt care to hear it).

So I'm posting it here.

There's no real 'secret' to writing a decent short story. First, you have to be able to write in a fast-paced, well-organized manner, then you have to be able to introduce a character that people will care about. You then present this character with only ONE problem, and then 'show' how he/she works their way through it, usually with a surprising twist at the end.

With a novel, the focus is usually much broader than that. You present your MC and secondary characters with one huge, grand problem, with a whole host of smaller ones. You establish a 'goal' of some sort for your main characters, and all these little things keep popping up as they go, preventing them (or trying to prevent them) from achieving what they've set out to do. I can easily think in these terms, and usually the subject matter that I pick for a story is that broad-based. But, to pick one single event, force it into a microcosm of your MC's universe and then effectively work it out, is the secret to writing a decent short.

Now that I think I've 'got it,' I'll write a few more.