A Year of Many Changes

I suppose that for me, the year 2010 is one for the record books.

Unfortunately, I haven't written on this particular blog in a while because of health issues (which I've gone into detail on another blog that I'll link to this site one of these days) as well as wanting to keep this one related more to my writing than whining about my personal problems.

(Erm, yeah, right.)

Anyway, here's a quick rundown of my life since I last posted here. This past May, I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma of the breast and ended up having to get a mastectomy on my right side. Suffice it to say that though it was not a fun experience, I did get very, very lucky in that they caught it early. So early, in fact, that I don't even need radiation or chemo. This demoralized me and distracted me so much from my writing that it's taken me a couple of months to get my head screwed back on straight. The cancer, according to the docs, is gone -- for now. There is a small chance that it may return, but for now they can't do anything else for me.
For more detail on my harrowing journey, see this link to a story I wrote on Breastcancerstories.org:

http://www.breastcancerstories.org/chapter/71531

It's funny how much your life can change in so short a time period. The thing about cancer is that when the "C-Bomb" is dropped on you, you suddenly remember all those stupid little things you always wanted to do in your life but could never find the time. You think you have all the time in the world and then suddenly there's the possibility that you can have as little as 6 months left to live. The idea of the grim reaper knocking on your front door has a way of changing your perspective in a hurry. So, when I invested a great deal of money in a business only to watch it fizzle to nothing and then got the cancer diagnosis, I felt like I'd been hit in the face with a shovel. Have you ever cried uncontrollably while you were laughing your ass off at the same time? Yeah, that happened to me. As one friend asked me, "What the hell did you do to piss God off?" It was like a sick cosmic joke, my colossal bad luck. Still, the experience has forced me to ask myself, "What exactly do I want to do with my life?"

There is only one answer to that -- the only answer there has ever been: I want to write.

I never did try to revive the Express. Instead, I'm chalking it up as a learning experience, one that I don't really regret, looking back on it now. Before I kick the bucket (whenever that day will be) at least I can honestly say that I was once a publisher. In regard to the cancer, I went through my "boo hoo" grieving period and got over it relatively quickly. Even though it still looms large in my life, it's not ruling my every moment. Life goes on.

And now, back to the subject of writing.

I've been reworking my MS for "Lord of Shadows," calling it now "Shadow World," and my research has taken me to some interesting places both online and in real life. Without going too much into the plot, my queries on the book's theme have connected me to some interesting people (even if they're a bit wacko) in the UFO community. These include people peripherally involved in the "Skinwalker Ranch" story, where shadow folk have been seen on a regular basis.

From there I was led to another guy named "Chuck" who discussed at length his UFO abductee experiences (and whom, I concluded, has to be a textbook paranoid schizophrenic). He describes daily visits by glowing ethereal beings who communicate to him via a homeless man who "channels" alien messages for the supposed benefit of mankind every Thursday at 7:00pm, Pacific Daylight Time. I eventually wandered on and found even more strangeness. On one long-forgotten paranormal site, I discovered yet another paranoid schizophrenic who regaled me with his theories of "God as a Predatory Superbeing." That was neat - so neat that I'm probably going to actually include part of his theory in my writings somehow, citing him as a source, of course. Just because he's nuts doesn't mean he shouldn't get credit for his ideas.

A source is a source, of course, of course. La, la, la.

Then, after months of alternately reading up on black magic and M-Theory, I finally arrived at a fork in the road concerning my theme. I had to make a decision as to whether or not I wanted to take this in a "demonic" or a "UFO" direction. The demonic path would be easier to write, but the UFO angle is more interesting -- at least to me. So, I flipped a coin and am now going with the sci-fi version, hence the renaming of the book. When you write sci-fi, though, you're expected to use actual science as a backdrop to the story to help suspend disbelief. That's been tough, but I think I've got most of it nailed down now. It's difficult for a right-brained, math-abhorring, creative-type person to wrap their head around things like "quantum tunneling" and "wave particle duality." I've had to sit down and read Stephen Hawking and watch Michio Kaku videos, for God's sake! But, such sacrifices must be made in the interest of writing.

Anyway, as long as I love the paranormal and can turn it into a story people will actually want to read, I don't mind the research. I find UFO people endlessly fascinating. Why? I have no real idea, except that I've had a few experiences of my own along that line that I can't truly explain away, so I can't call an Abductee crazy with any real confidence. I'll leave that to the hard-core skeptics out there in the world.

First draft of "Shadow World" is almost complete. I just need to wind it up and resolve a few things. Then I'm going to rewrite it yet again to tighten it up. I tend to be wordy and I have a lot of chiseling to do on that MS. On the bright side, though, I think this is going to be "the one."

Maybe. We'll see.

It would be nice to be able to put "published author" or "best-selling novelist" in my obituary along with the word "publisher" before all's said and done.

Until later,

Jill

Just When I Thought the Express was Dead...

Seems as though my little magazine has done a Lazarus. Terry and Desi met with a local real estate group today (one that Terry had sold ads to while we were still up and running) and it turns out they're interested in buying the paper.

Apparently, since we stopped publishing 2 weeks ago, one of their housing development offices has been flooded with phone calls asking where the Express went and how could they get one. This phenomena alone convinced them - if no one else - that the Express has dedicated readers. Not just a few. Thousands of them. So, now they're calling us in and wanting to know if we're willing to work a deal where they take over 75% of the company, and allow me creative freedom to continue printing the Express as I see fit. (This is what they told Terry, no kidding). After the hell I've been through with this paper over the last 8 months, I'm still hesitant to get involved in it again, but if someone else is willing to cough up the $100,000 to help us get back on our feet and if they're willing to handle the books, I could be talked into building the damned thing again.

Thing is, I really wanted an arts/community magazine, where local writers could publish their stories and get exposure for their work, not a mag devoted to hawking real estate. But this is a conflict as old as publishing itself - the creative folks are always at war with the ones who hold the purse strings. Besides, if Terry knew just how much I loathe/hate/execrate building real estate publications, he wouldn't even bring up the subject. If it's going to come back, I want it to be a community-focused magazine, not an outlet to sell modular homes. Modular homes can be in it, but I don't want that to dominate the publication. Even so, it's beginning to look again more and more like I'm not going to have any choice in the matter. I'm 20 grand in debt and need a life preserver, and this company is willing to throw me one, so it's either take it or drown. Sucks, yes, but that's life. And it's not like people are banging on my front door to offer me a job or anything.

In the meantime, I've got my health issues to deal with. I made a batch of doctor appointments today for both myself and Alex. Alex hasn't seen a doctor in a long, long time because every time I bring it up, he fights me about it. In the meantime, his feet are getting worse and worse. I suspect he may have diabetes, but he insists he doesn't and therein lies the problem. If Alex doesn't believe that something's wrong with him, then it simply doesn't exist. At least his sister is self-aware enough to take care of her health and such. But Alex is even more Aspergian than I am, and short of God Himself appearing in his room and telling him to handle his problems, Alex won't budge. Ed is the same way. How an uncle and a nephew can be so much alike astounds me.

Recently, I've been browsing about the net, paying visits to all my old chat boards, just to see who's still there and who isn't. I haven't visited some of them in years, and unsurprisingly, many of the old regulars I knew are gone. The boards are populated mostly with snot-nosed brats who attack others who are trying to have a decent conversation. It all bores me, unfortunately. Seems like there's nothing interesting online anymore.

So, to ward off dying of boredom, I've dug out my latest manuscript, "LOS" from '07 and have begun revisions on it again, as well as adding some more material I've collected in note form that I've been neglecting up until now. There's some neat stuff about Skinwalker Ranch in NE Utah that ties in nicely with my core theme, and I've got to re-read Colm Kelleher's book "Hunt for the Skinwalker" in order to refresh my memory on the events that went on there. I read it last year sometime, and though I thought it was way, way out there in terms of suspension of disbelief, it strikes a chord in me for some reason. Being a person who relies on a gut instinct that has always served me well, I think I'm going to pick up this particular thread on Skinwalker Ranch and follow it, just to see where it goes. I'm having more fun researching LOS than I am writing it, but it's a chore that must be done. The guy that runs the Skinwalker Ranch website knows several of the main players in that story and if I can somehow wangle an interview qith one of them. The other person I need an interview with is Dr. Persinger up in Canada, the one who did those experiments with the electromagnetic helmet he built. Once I have those, I think I'll have everything I need to finish LOS and get it ready for publication.

Anyway, that's the long and the short of what's going on right now. I don't know if I want to bother resurrecting the paper again. I'll entertain the idea as long as everyone involved knows that I'm only going to deal with the creative projects; absolutely NO accounting, no payroll, no dealing with employees, and no direct contact with clients. I simply can't deal with all of that anymore. I was roped into doing that before. Never again.

Until later,

Jillian

From Zero to Publisher in 15 years

February 5, 2010 heralded the end of my venture into the print publishing business. It's sort of a long story, but here goes.

Back in 2008, I left my graphics job in South Carolina to return to Arizona to help look after my mother, who is getting on in years and needs assistance around the house. It wasn't a big loss - I was already so burned out on building ads and doing page design that my eyes crossed everytime I turned on a computer screen. So, I made the 2,000+ mile trek back to AZ and settled in, finding a job at the local newspaper (heretofore referred to as "the Sun").

I started out there as an assistant in the Marketing department, working for one of the most scatter-brained people I've ever met. I found out within a week that I couldn't work for her. She's one of those severely ADHD people who expect me to read their minds and know what they want done. Well, having failed Psychic 101 in college, I decided I'd had enough of the marketing department and jumped on a job opening in the paper's graphics department. Unfortunately, this same woman held sway over THAT department as well, and as a team, we were barely able to keep up with her demands week to week. I finally grew tired of having to complete 65 man-hours of work in a 40-hour week (God HELP us if we got any overtime!) and began looking for another job surreptitiously 6 months later.

I didn't find anything, and believe me, I looked. Around my 9-month anniversary, I finally got my 90-day review (that's how backed-up things were in that office), which went well. My supervisor, a young man named Doug, gave me a nice review, but told me that due to the company's financial problems, he'd be unable to give me a raise anytime in the foreseeable future and there might even be a pay cut on the horizon. At that point, I mentally "checked out" of that job.

I showed up at work every day and completed my tasks like a good worker drone, but my attitude grew worse and worse as time went on. Finally, by the end of that month, I was out of there. My husband, Terry, had been after me for quite some time to start my own publication -- something I had thought about in the past, but never knew how or where the money would come from to get such a thing off the ground. I didn't have $100,000 to get a business going, and I knew from the get-go that's what I would need to sustain the publication long enough to get it going and get people used to seeing it. Turns out that in the end, after I left The Sun, I started the company with about $18,000. It wasn't enough to get the paper going like I'd wanted, but by July 3rd, 2009, we came out with our first publication (heretofore referred to as The Express).

The first Express weekly magazine had maybe 10 ads in it, all sold without the clients ever having seen the magazine. We printed 30,000 of these things and hand-delivered them all over town and placed them in racks here and there, near grocery stores and such. The money lasted for about 2 months. At the end of August, I ran out of capital and had to borrow more money to keep going.

I wanted out of this by then. Advertisers didn't really like the Express because it was still "new," but oddly enough, the readers LOVED it. Problem was that we couldn't figure out a way to prove it. So, I placed a series of cash prize puzzles in it that people would fill out and send in. We received tons of these entries every week. Terry, who was in charge of our sales crew, didn't utilize these entries until it was too late. I ended up owing $7,500 to one print facility (based on 3 checks the other business partners had me write) and I'm STILL paying on that debt. I borrowed money again from another partner (or rather, Terry did, in my name) even when I BEGGED them just to let the paper die. No one was willing to let the paper die while I still only owed a relatively small amount of money. No, their names weren't involved anywhere except on an LLC form. The accounts, the lease and everything were all still in my name. What did it matter to them if the business failed? In the end, none of them - my husband included - didn't owe anyone a nickel. All the burden of debt shifted onto me.

I published the last Express on February 5th, 2010, about 8 months after we began. We'd lasted a lot longer than "The Sun" or any of our other competitors ever gave us credit for. In fact, The Sun flicked us so much shit behind closed doors while we were in business that we never had a chance. By "behind closed doors" I mean that their sales reps and management talked us down to clients ("Oh, they'll be out of business in 4 weeks," or "That paper is run by a bunch of traitors from our company.") and so on. They went to all the civic and charity groups in town, talked us down, telling these business owners over drinks that our sole reason for being in business was to "Puff up" the value of our paper then turn around and sell it for a huge profit. I had to laugh at that one - especially coming from representatives of that particular company.

The Sun is part of a larger media group that is nearly a billion dollars in debt and currently going through bankrupcty. At the moment, they're trying to sell off not one, but FIVE papers to another upstart media group in Arizona for around 2.5 million. Just a few years ago, that sale would have been worth ten times that much. A typical newspaper should be worth about 25 million (or was, before the advent of the internet), and now they're trying to sell five of them for a small fraction of that amount. I'm quite frankly curious how they're able to keep their doors open and pay over 100 employees while operating that far in debt. Anyway, even with their own internal problems to contend with, they still managed to take time out of their busy day to denigrate our paper every which way they could. I have video of several of their in-house carriers taking our papers (and papers of other publishers) out of our racks and throwing them away. They'd leave the display paper in the window tray, but the rest of them in the slot behind it went straight into the trash. One of the carriers even threw away a real estate publication that was displayed in this same rack that The Sun BUILT and PUBLISHED for them! Now how stupid is THAT! Then, after the offending papers were removed, the carrier would put other papers that the Sun printed/produced into slots in this rack that they never bothered pay the rack's owner for. Click here to view one of the videos.

Apparently, The Sun figured that since it was "The Daily Paper" in this town, this gives them carte blanche to do whatever the hell they want, knowing full well there isn't really anything we can do about it. Hell, it wasn't like any of us have the money to sue them over it. I suppose I could have fought back, and maybe if I had been a little more childish and vengeful, I might have done some nasty things in return, but honestly, I truly don't care anymore. In the end, they'll go to online only before long, if not shut their doors completely. The Express wasn't about me getting them back anyway. The only thing I wanted was to work somewhere else, that's all. Unfortunately, their entire managerial staff over there is just too bloody stupid to see that. I guess it's just too fucking "simple" for them to understand.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that I'm done with the newspaper business and I don't care to work in it ever again, in any way shape, or form. This experience has sealed it for me. I'm done. Terry wants to keep the company going, but I don't. I see it as a lose/lose situation, even if we come out with just a monthly publication. I owe so much money right now that I can't think of any possible way to pay it back, even if I got a really good job. Because of the recession, there are no jobs out there - even crummy fast food jobs are fought over these days - and thus no way to make any money to even start paying anyone off. I'm going to have to file bankruptcy and that means I'll have to cancel the business license and the tax ID numbers I've got for the company.

The long and the short of it is this: As far as I'm concerned, Print is dead - at least right now. I can't see any way for anyone to make any money in print as long as the internet remains the way it is. Now if we have a giant solar flare or something that takes down the internet, maybe print will make its triumphant return, but that's not likely to happen. Even if it does, the Internet will be back up and running before long, anyway. Essentially, the only way the Internet will end is when mankind does, unless something happens to throw us back into the stone age, like war or a meteor strike. For now, I'm back to the drawing board, figuring out what I want to do next.

I want to keep writing. I've been ill for the past few years (still am - I was in the hospital just yesterday, getting 3 pints of blood pumped into me because my hemoglobin levels had gotten so low that I nearly died). At least now I have state-funded healthcare for the time being, and while I've got it, I'm going to get some health issues addressed. I'll find a job sooner or later, even if The Sun has tried to have me blacklisted as a "bad employee" in this community. I may even have to leave town to find work, but that's just life. I'll move on.

In the meantime, since I now have a little time on my hands, it's time to do what I actually want to do and get some writing done.

Until later, whenever that might be -

Jill

The Pinocchio Syndrome:
Breathing life into "wooden" characters

As a writer, have you ever been told your characters are two-dimensional or "wooden?" Some might call this problem the Pinocchio Syndrome – having wooden, puppet-like characters no reader can identify with. Whether a story is plot-driven or character-driven, ideally your characters should engage the reader, gain empathy and at the same time move the plot forward. In learning to further develop a character’s personality, ironically, one of the best examples is found in Carlo Collodi's tale of Pinocchio.

In this famous (and rather dark) children’s story, the marionette Pinocchio begins his life as a pine log. A log is probably the most basic of characters and yet Collodi gives Pinocchio a personality even before the character is truly "born." First, the reader is introduced to a magical log that sings and talks, and when the log is passed on to Geppetto, it takes on a more human-like form when it’s carved into a doll. As Geppetto works, the log cries out in pain, immediately eliciting empathy from readers. In his new form, Pinocchio begins to evolve, gaining all the attributes of a human boy.

To make a character more lifelike, even if it’s just a log like Pinocchio started out, you must give them a personality. Personality traits, as used in fiction, are any aspect of a character described in terms of how they think, act and in their general demeanor. For example, you can say your character is a scullery maid, but that isn’t necessarily a personality trait. Being a scullery maid is what the character "does" and though a person’s job can say a lot about them, this is a character detail, not a personality trait. You can have two scullery maids with completely different personalities.

The same thing applies with physical traits. You can say a character is a blonde girl in a pink mini-dress, but aside from the usual cliched stereotypes, what does this description really tell a reader about a character? Hair color and clothing is not quite enough to define personality. You have to go a little further than that.

A personality trait could be any of the following that describes a person: Shy, fastidious, youth-obsessed, gregarious, rude, stupid, intelligent, cowardly and just about any adjective you can think of. These traits, when combined with other physical traits, unique mannerisms and voice, et ceters all come together to create a mental image of your character. The trick is in how to show these traits to readers without overwhelming them with details. Some writers use a lengthy list called a Character Sketch to ask themselves questions about a given character. All you really need to know is the basics of the character’s personality to start with and then you build upon the sketch as events happen within your story.

Once you’ve sketched out a list of personality traits for your character, the next step is to give him or her a physical description, employment, habits and so on. Then you give them a "past," a present and a possible future (backstory). Again, try to avoid stereotypes. A blonde girl wearing a pink mini-dress is more fascinating to the reader if she’s extremely intelligent but has an inner fear of looking like a nerd. Keep your list handy as you write, because you will need to refer to it often as your story or novel chapters develop. Much as Collodi did with Pinocchio, get your character up and moving, then add bits and pieces of who they are and what they might become as you write the story itself. Disburse this information in small doses – only where it’s needed. There's a saying: "Actions speak louder than words." This is especially true when it comes to building characters.

Introduce your characters much as you’d introduce yourself to another person in real life. When you first meet someone, you automatically begin forming an opinion of this new person through a series of impressions you’ve gathered as you speak to them, observe their mannerisms and their behavior. Let the same thing happen for your characters. These things should flow naturally and chronologically into the story, developing along with the plot itself.As an example, let’s start with a basic wooden character named "Joe Smith." In an introductory paragraph, we'll leave out his surname. Contrary to popular belief among new writers, surnames do not need to be given out right away unless they’re needed to explain something in the story. In all reality, what information does a surname provide about a character? Nothing much. except for their heritage – and it’s a vague reference at that. Here’s a basic sentence about "Joe:"

'Joe was an overweight gas station attendant who fell in love with a girl he knew he could never have.'

This sentence tells you that Joe is:
1. Overweight
2. He works at a gas station
3. He falls in love with an unattainable girl.

First impressions mean everything when introducing your characters. Just because you might be able to see your character in your mind’s eye, this doesn’t mean the reader can. So, you will need to add a few more details and expand upon the sentence above. A practiced writer does this by inference within the running narrative of the story, using internal dialogue and the character’s actions. What this means is that you can obliquely refer to a character's personality trait or physical traits using whatever’s available in a given scene. To show that a character is overweight, it’s easy enough to state that they’re chubby, but it’s better to show the character as they’re constantly adjusting tight clothing or having problems walking. So Joe is overweight and has a crush on a girl. Big deal. There are a million other guys out there just like him. What sets Joe apart from every other overweight male person in the world?

This is when you need to give your characters a voice, much as Collodi did with the pine log that became Pinocchio. A character’s voice is not just in how they speak within written dialogue, but also their inner thought process described in the narrative itself. Get creative. Add other facets to your character that affect their personality. Maybe they have an allergy, a phobia of birds or an ongoing illness. Show his/her mannerisms, tics, their way of speaking and their dress, and not just their dress but how their clothes fit and more. When it comes to extended details like clothing, it’s best to only describe an item or two, but make certain it says something about the character. Be creative with physical appearance, as well. In your description, be sure to "show" the character, don’t just "tell" the reader a fact or two about them. If your character is a brunette, for instance, don’t just say, "Clarice had long brown hair. Dirk thought it looked pretty in the sunlight." Instead, show Clarice’s hair in a way that’s unique to her, evokes emotion and moves the plot forward:

‘Clarice turned away and stared out at the ocean. Dirk noticed how her mouse-colored hair, when caressed by the sun, turned to a lustrous caramel.’

Much more information can be implied by being creative with a few choice adjectives and verbs. Let’s try to put a little more flesh on our puppet, Joe, with more elaboration added to the original sentence from earlier:

‘Joe worked at the Gas ‘n Go. His coworkers were always teasing him about his weight and he hated it. When he arrived at work one morning, unbeknownst to Joe, his zipper split open as he strained to get out of his car. On his way to clock in, his boss, Sam, caught a glimpse of Joe’s private parts and commented that Joe’s "car was exiting the garage." Because his belly was so big, Joe couldn't see his zipper, but nevertheless he was instantly embarrassed. This unfortunate event happened right in front of the pretty girl who worked behind the snack counter. Joe blushed and covered his open zipper with his hands. He then hurried to the restroom to fix it.’

In the above paragraph there is now a lot more information about Joe. It still doesn't quite convey enough about him as a person, but a reader can get a vague idea who Joe is and what he looks like. However, they still don’t really get a picture of Joe in mind. As you can probably tell in the above paragraph, there still isn’t quite enough about Joe to gain reader empathy.

There are two primary reasons for this lack of empathy for poor Joe. The first reason is that the details, though seemingly plentiful, are not introduced to the reader correctly. They are "told," not "shown." The second reason is that no firm point of view (POV) has been established. The paragraph above is loosely omniscient in POV. Omniscient POV has been used effectively by authors for many, many years, but readers these days tend to identify more with a firm Third Person or First Person point of view. Readers like to get to know a character and this means delving further into that characters’ thought process.

To make it easier for the reader to mentally connect with a character, ask the following questions when considering how to present them:
1. How does your character think and speak (internally and externally)?
2. What is the character’s usual demeanor? (Grumpy, sad, happy-go-lucky, etc.)
3. What do the other characters think of your main character? How do they generally react to him/her?
4. What does he/she look like? How does they see themselves?
5. What does he/she "do" in life and better yet, Why? (Jobs, hobbies, etc.)

Answering these questions will help you visualize your character as a person, especially when it comes to illustrating their good points and their flaws. Flaws are very important to making a character seem more human.

One of the reasons why Carlo Collodi’s marionette is a good example of a multifaceted character is due to Pinocchio’s flaws. Like people in real life, all characters must have flaws of some kind. Like real people, they will make mistakes and then pay for them, creating even more obstacles they must overcome. Everyone knows Pinocchio's most dominant flaw: his wooden nose grows longer every time he tells a lie. This a physical flaw the character is aware of. There are also other more prominent traits Pinocchio has that he is not aware of or is in denial about. These are shown through the character’s actions and in dialogue. Pinocchio’s personality is shown as impudent, foolish and prone to bad temper – all traits that make him every bit an ornery and all-too-human boy. Pinocchio, in making foolish decisions and having negative things happen to him, manages to learn about his flaws and overcome them along with other obstacles as the story progresses.

Bear in mind, you can’t address all of your character’s traits in one introductory paragraph, but you can hint at them here and there by using the character’s voice and thought process. Below is a further enhanced and expanded version of the basic paragraph above, using our puppet Joe, now shown with an inner voice and perceptions added along with several character traits and flaws thrown in. In this set of introductory paragraphs, you should now get a much better view of Joe:

‘Joe stood outside the Gas ‘n Go, wolfing down the last bits of three chili dogs he’d picked up on the way to work. He hesitated in front of the window. The new cashier, a wisp of a woman named Loretta, stood behind the counter. She was talking with Sam, the shop boss. Sam favored Loretta with his overly white smile and reached out to playfully chuck her under the chin. She recoiled and took a quick step backward, causing a strand of pale hair to come loose from beneath her cap. Joe finger-combed what few strands of hair remained on his balding pate and pushed in through the double doors. There was a small chance he could tiptoe by and get to the time-clock before the other two caught sight of him.

When he was about halfway across the store, his boss turned and stopped Joe with an upraised hand. "Hold on there, Porky. You’re late again." Sam then burst into laughter and pointed at Joe’s pants "Well lookee here! Your Volkswagen’s rolledout of the garage."

Joe peered downward and saw nothing but belly. However, there was definitely a breeze blowing in where it shouldn’t be. His zipper was wide open. He groaned inwardly. Yes, he’d been in a hurry to get to work, but how could he have forgotten to put on his briefs? Then it occurred to him that if Sam could see Joe’s privates, Loretta could, too. Every drop of blood in Joe’s body rushed up into his face. To her credit, Loretta looked away, as if she developed a sudden interest in the cigarette display behind her. Joe clapped both of his hands over the front of his pants, stifled a sob and hurried off to the men’s restroom. He wasn't about to let Loretta see him cry. She'd seen more than enough already.’

After reading about Joe the gas station attendant, above, you should now be able to picture what Joe looks like, how he thinks, what he does, how he might react in a given situation and more. In addition to his most prominent trait (his weight issues) you now know Joe is:

1. Balding
2. Chronically late and forgetful
3. So used to criticism that he doesn’t react to being called "Porky"
4. Bashful/shy, maybe even a little creepy
5. Attracted to the new cashier, Loretta.

Well-rounded characters have plenty of good and bad things about them. The key is to touch on these aspects as the story progresses. When you begin describing a character’s back-story (their personal history, as it affects the story as a whole), write it in relation to the plot itself.

For example, if Joe was humiliated in kindergarten because he was caught eating other kids’ lunches, this would be a useful fact about his character. However, you would have to insert this fact into the story at the right time, as it naturally fits into the plot. An example would be writing a scene where Joe goes to pick his nephew up from school and overhears other kids making snotty remarks about his nephew’s weight. This could trigger a flashback memory of the same thing happening to Joe himself many years before. Remember, when revealing details about a character, let them flow in as part of the story. Putting in details that add nothing of value to the plot is just "fluff" and only serves to bog down the reader.

The best way to introduce your characters to the reader by placing them in uncomfortable situations that immediately reveal their most prominent personality traits. Above, Joe is made very uncomfortable and as a reader you can judge him by how he handles the situation. Whether the initial impression is good or bad doesn't matter, it's the potential for fundamental change that interests a reader. Joe may be a cowardly, unattractive and creepy man, but if he’s shown to have emotions and goals, he has the potential to become something better.

Even secondary characters have wants, needs and goals, just make sure they tie in with the main plot and do not steal the stage from your main characters. If you're introducing secondary or even tertiary characters into a story, they should make an impression on the reader, but with fewer details. The less important the character, the less back-story they should need. Remember that every character, no matter how minor, must have a specific part to play in moving the plot forward. Introducing characters for setting value (part of the scenery) may be confusing if you tell us about their marital lives and what kind of latte they usually buy from the local coffee house. When it comes to secondary and tertiary characters, a good rule to remember is this:
if you're not going to use them, lose them.

Lastly, try to keep your characters balanced. If your protagonist is a genuinely good person, let him or her have a few bad qualities, too. If your antagonist is really bad, throw in a few good qualities for balance. A character that is overly good or bad will come off as unrealistic. Even if there is no fundamental change for the character in your story, the potential for it must remain in play. When a character has opportunities for change, this appeals to readers because it reinforces the unconscious hope all people have that their lives can transform, too. Adding just the right amount of detail to humanize your characters will make your story memorable – like Collodi’s Pinocchio, the ultimate "wooden" character.

- Until later, whenever that will be,

Jill

Back in the Saddle Again... well, sort of.

After months and months of being out of touch with everything from my relatives and friends to the internet, I'm back. After several months of one health problem after another, here I am again, much to everyone's dismay.

First off, let me say that Perimenopause is a bitch. I've been riding the hormone roller-coaster for over a year now and it's been literal hell. After turning 40, it seemed like my body took some kind of hidden cue and began acting up.

Last August, I noticed that I wasn't feeling so well. It was hot outside - ranging close to the hundred degree mark with 90% humidity, and on several occasions I almost fainted - once while driving. I put my general feeling of ill health down to the heat. Big mistake, that was.

On August 18th I was sitting in front of my computer at work, just minding my own business and typing away, when all of a sudden a bolt of pain knifed through my lower abdomen. I doubled over and clutched my stomach, instantly wondering if I'd eaten something bad that morning. But the pain was low in my stomach and deep, so I then figured it was something of a gynecological nature. I got up and went outside to get some fresh air, hoping to walk off the pain, but instead, it intensified. I went back inside the building and rushed to the bathroom because the pain became so pointed that I felt nauseous and I wanted to be near the commode in case I ended up driving the porcelain bus. (Throwing up).

In the bathroom, I felt a wave of nausea and dizziness that was so strong the room began to spin and that's when I became terrified that something inside me had ruptured and I was now bleeding internally. I staggered back into my cubicle and dropped into my desk chair, thinking that if I passed out, at least it would be where people would find me. My vision narrowed down to a tunnel and everyone's voices around me seemed far away and became somewhat fuzzy-sounding. That's when I knew I was going down for the count. Next thing I know, the room is bright and clear again, and someone was pressing a cold, wet rag to my forehead.

"You fainted," one of my coworkers told me. "How do you feel now?"

I just looked at her and shook my head. Even though I was alert and no longer feeling faint, I still felt weak and shaky. Sweat poured down my face and down my back. Apparently I was experiencing some form of shock, which can come with a sudden drop in blood pressure (sometimes associated with internal bleeding). As much as I hated to do it, I told them to call 911, which they did. When the EMTs showed up, they told me my blood pressure had dropped precipitously and that I was probably severely dehydrated - which I didn't understand because I'd been drinking juice and coffee all morning. I suspected that something inside me had ruptured and I was bleeding internally, and by the time I got out of the hospital, it turned out that I was "sort of" correct.

What they found was that one of my ovaries had ruptured due to a lemon-sized cyst that had been growing there. Apparently the sharp pain I'd felt that morning came around the time the cyst had popped, taking my ovary with it. The bad news was that there was another one on the other side that hadn't popped yet, and it was already the size of a golf ball.

When you hear the word 'cyst,' you start thinking it has something to do with cancer, and that was my immediate thought upon hearing the news. Unfortunately, because I have a mild form of autism and have A.D.D., everything they tried to explain to me went in one ear and right out the other. I struggled to understand what they said and none of it made sense. It seemed to be a gynecological problem, not a general practitioner kind of issue, so I went to an OB/GYN first. That doctor was the one who told me I also had gallstones (something that they never told me at the hospital). Still, he seemed to give me the bum's rush and told me to take some progesterone pills and sent me packing. I didn't have cancer, but something was wrong, and no one seemed to be able to tell me what it was. In the meantime, my menstrual cycle went haywire.

After several doctor's visits, I was told that in fact I'd had significant blood loss, but the ovary had already begun to heal. My left side was sore for weeks. The blood loss wasn't primarily due to the burst cyst, though, as I soon found out. My hemoglobin levels were around 5.5, when they 'should' be around 12 to 13. I didn't 'feel' anemic, though, except that one day. A charge nurse at the OB/GYN surmised that I probably had been anemic for so long that I simply didn't notice how low it had gotten. My menstrual cycle wasn't helping, either. I was on it every two weeks after the cyst burst, and when it happened, it lasted for almost two weeks and had a heaviness I'd never seen before. I was prescribed high-dose iron to combat the low red count, but was told it would take several months to build my hemoglobin levels back up, since iron is not easily digested in the system.

While I was taking the iron, my blood pressure (which had seemed 'normal' prior to taking the iron) shot up to stratospheric levels [170 over 102 was one reading that scared me and the doctor at the same time]. The doctor said the systolic reading was high, but what concerned him was the '102' number I mentioned just now. It meant that my heart was working really, really hard to push and pull blood out and that could be an indicator of an impending heart attack or stroke. The progesterone I was taking didn't help, either. Even though it leveled out my moods, huge bruises and thrombosed veins began appearing on my legs. Blood vessels were popping inside my skin like bubble wrap. One even appeared in my right eye and I stared out at teh world through a red haze for over a week. One of the thrombosed veins hurt badly and I remember looking at it and thinking, "What if this had happened in my brain instead of my legs?" The next day, I threw out the progesterone. The vein thrombosis and bruising cleared up and the skin on my legs went back to normal after a couple of weeks, but I vowed to never take progesterone again.

So, since then, my moods have been so up and down they threatened to give me mental whiplash. One day at work, I was in a meeting where we received some news about a possible outsource of graphic design to a company in India and as I tried to take up for our department by telling the publisher that outsourcing wasn't a good fit for our publication, I broke out in tears. While my coworkers stared at me in horror, I cried even harder and couldn't stop. I knew I looked like I'd lost it completely, so after a minute or two, I got up and walked out of the room without a word to anyone. Of course, news of the 'crying incident' spread like wildfire through the office and as I passed groups of people in the hallways, they'd go quiet and stare at me as though I'd just confessed to being the Unabomber or something. That's when I knew there was something seriously wrong with me. I scratched enough money to go back to the OB/GYN one more time.

The doctor (female this time) told me that I was perimenopausal and handed me a bunch of literature on it. She gave me more high-dose iron to take and refreshed my prescription of blood pressure medicine and highly advised me to come back the following week to get another ultrasound. Unfortunately, that never happened because my insurance plan changed at the beginning of the year and now it's the pay-up-front kind with a 20% deductible. A regular followup at a doctor's office will cost me anywhere from a $100 to $300 or more, especially if they run more tests like an ultrasound. I can't afford this, so I'm just keeping on with the iron and going to the ER every time I run out of blood pressure medicine. I have to keep this up until open enrollment in November where I can opt for the higher-priced 'premium' insurance plan offered by Aetna, or drop it altogether and try to get health insurance somewhere else outside the company.

By the way, Aetna seriously sucks!!!! For the last 2 years Aetna has taken over $8,000 from me in premium payments and the plan I got for it, I can't even afford to use. Now I hear on the news that Aetna isn't going to cover anaesthesia for procedures like Upper and Lower G.I. exams. What a crock of shit! Maybe we ought to get all of Aetna's shareholders and force them to get a colonoscopy WITHOUT anaesthesia and see how the hell THEY like it! Bastards. I hope they rot. As soon as November gets here, I'm opting out of my health coverage and registering myself a business license under my old graphics freelance name and I'm going to get Blue Cross/Blue Shield, like I had when I was at my old job. I don't care if I have to pay more for the coverage - at least BCBS will cover things like anaesthesia!

Yes, I repeat: AETNA SUCKS.

Anyway, my hemoglobin levels are still a little low (10.5 at the last red count I got), but at least I'm no longer in danger of needing a blood transfusion (something I fought tooth and nail to avoid). Other than the wild mood swings and the unpredictable menstrual cycle, I do feel better.

It occurred to me that people with Asperger's Syndrome have one big problem aside from the usual ones with social interaction and such, and that is they expect their bodies to keep functioning whether they pay attention to warning signs (like anemia) or not. I ignored my body's warning signs and kept ignoring them until it became critical. Had I not fainted that day at work, it would have happened somewhere else, like when I was driving my car. It could have killed me. I always expected my body just to keep going until the day it finally just shut down, but I never expected this. I neglected myself and this is what I got for it.

I've always thought of my body as a 'ship' - not a pretty one, and maybe not the most stable one, but a ship nonetheless. It's weathered many a storm that I've piloted it through - until now. Until I was hit by Hurricane Perimenopause. The only thing I can do is keep spooning iron in while my blood keeps leaking slowly out. Right now, I'm keeping keeping myself afloat, but there are some days when I feel like giving up and letting myself sink. But in the meantime, I write.

Writing has seen me through some awfully hard times and this is no exception. Despite my health problems, it helped take my mind off of it all by turning back to my stories. I've finished one more novel and started another in the past 6 months. Writing helps me forget 'me' for a little while and live in another world. I don't know what I'd do if I could no longer type or scribble down my stories.

Well, that's where I am. I'm trying to get one of my novels going and see where it leads me. I've also decided to put up another website that I can reference in my online travels and hopefully promote my book. I'm not going through agents or publishers right now, but I will again in the future. No, this time I'm going with a POD service, just to get it out there. It might be a mistake or it might not, but hey, I've got to try. I'm tired of sitting here and just letting bad things happen to me. I'm going to make something good happen to me for a change.

Until later,

Jillian

For the Love of Writing Novels

New year, and hopefully, a new attitude.

The same old doubts creep in from time to time and there are times when I wonder why I even bother. Still, my resolution for '07 is to publish something. It might not be a novel, but maybe I can push a short story through somewhere. I was bombarded all November by Writer's Digest to submit another Short-short for their annual contest (which, regrettably, I let slip past without a submission). I plan to do another one this year, though, and maybe set my sights on finishing that short piece for Glimmertrain. Glimmertrain's rejected me ten times. Might as well make it eleven.

I've finally gotten 'Golden Hour' back in the mail, last week. They're not able to market it right now, or so the letter said. One of the reasons cited in the rather detailed letter was that the MS was still too long and that unfortunately the book doesn't quite fit into the genre that I'd indicated in my query letter. There was more, but since this is a public blog, I'll withhold the rest for personal reasons. I showed the letter to an editor friend at the paper on Wednesday and she deciphered the meaning for me. This was basically what she told me:

"They're saying that they can't find a slot for it because it's a hybrid genre and they're a hard sell. It's still too long and needs a lot more editing, " she said, and went on to tell me that if I were to get some more of my short stories published and fatten my writer's resume a little more, that would help. "Publication on web sites doesn't count with these folks," she said. "For them, it's paid-for hard copy that matters."

Essentially, the publishers won't take a chance on me because I'm still not a proven writer.

Well, hell, I knew that.

So I guess I'm going to be pounding out a bunch of short stories in the meantime and submitting those. My editor pal said to try and get them into some small pub's that won't pay much but can be considered a publishing credit. Amass enough of those, and I'll gain more credit as a writer. Right now I just don't have enough 'experience' to bring to the table.

Makes sense, even though I don't like it.

This subject came up recently on Writer's Beat, in one of the threads where writers can ask for help on writing and the 'dance' thereof. Since 'Golden Hour's' untimely return to me, this subject has really hit home, so I probably ranted on about it a little more than I should have. So, I decided to write more about that subject here today.

It scares writers when they hear this stuff - about just how hard it is to get published - and it can dissuade them from even trying. But still, they need to hear the truth from someone who is going through it. The odds on actually getting a novel sold aren't good.

There are seven million writers out there doing the same exact thing I'm doing. At least half of them are far more experienced than I am and even THEY are getting rejections right and left. Another thing, too; even if you manage to publish a novel, chances are 70% or greater than you'll make next to nothing on your first sale. $6,000 is about the average advance on a first novel from a previously unpublished author. The rest depends on percentage of overall sales (3%-8% for you) and your agent's cut taken out of that (usually around 30%).

Why is this?

Because 90% of most novels just don't do well. Most of them never become bestsellers. If you're going to make any money, it will come from a 3rd or 4th book, and that's only if your first two do well enough that the publisher gets a modest return on them.

In retrospect, maybe I bit off more than I could reasonably chew by trying to sell a novel before selling short stories first. My problem is that I still can't write a decent short story to save my hide. In a novel, you have room to stretch out and let the plot build slowly, plus time to build your characters and so on. A short story has a limited amount of space and it focuses on one incident or a 'slice of life' that must make a point and make it fast. I'm beginning to believe that the reason I can't write a good short is because I can't think in terms of microcosm. Encapsulation of a plot in such a short space may not be possible given the way my mind works. Today it occurred to me that maybe writing and submitting a bunch of short stories isn't the way to go, at least for me.

Writer's Digest has a contest for self-published books every year (they bombard me with invitations for that, too) and I think I might just clean up 'Golden Hour' and self-publish it, or maybe finish up 'The River' and do that one through Xlibris. It will cost me about a grand, but I have the money, so I might as well give it a go. At least I can accomplish one goal: give Mom a book that I've written - one that's in actual print, not in email or website form. I can submit as many self-published books to WD as I want. A winner of this particular contest gets to meet with actual publishers and marketers who will take a look at it and see if it can be mass-produced via paperback. There's a cash prize, too, but that's only part of the whole enchilada. The meeting with the publishers face-to-face is what I want. This may be the way to get my foot in the door, even if it's the back door.

I'm not getting any younger and 40 is looming nigh. I wanted to be published by the time I reached forty and it still might be possible, just in a way I hadn't given any serious consideration to before. I hate it, though. To me, PODs are small-time, a vanity-oriented way of publishing. But I can't keep avoiding it altogether. It might be time to reconsider.

That's it for now. Not only is it time for an attitude adjustment, it's time for a goal-adjustment as well.

Until later,

Jill

Still typing my life away...

Another year gone by and still a no-sale on my last two novels. I can't figure it out. On one hand, I'm told they're 'terrific' and 'gripping,' yet the publishers are still hesitant. I know it's because I haven't published a novel previously, but jeez, a writer's got to start somewhere. "Golden Hour" isn't totally out of the picture yet, but after all these months, I'm losing hope on that one, too.

How the hell do I sell my 'First Novel?' The more time goes by, the more Xlibris and Lulu.com are looking like viable options.

One major problem might be that in the last five to ten years, the Internet and POD publishers have seriously hurt the publishing industry on many levels. Your typical brick-and-mortar publishing house is afraid to take on a new author because of the monetary risk involved. Why? Because marketing studies have shown that most average people are not reading books as much as they used to. They're surfing the net instead. This is probably true - I know I spend more time browsing online than I do reading a novel (or writing one, for that matter). Most publishing houses maintain a 'stable' of well-known, proven and prolific mid-list writers that they rely on to bring in steady revenue. It's very hard for them to go all out and bankroll a new book from an unknown author. It stinks, but that's the way it is. Unless something miraculous happens (like we have a massive solar flare that takes out the Internet), this particular goal is going to remain tough on me. I quit submitting to publishers directly over two years ago and went the 'agent' route. That doesn't seem to be working, either. Oh, they liked what they read in my MSS, but for some reason they can't place it with a publisher. Publishers are looking for the next Stephen King or J.K. Rowling, but how will they know if they've got one unless they take a chance on a new writer? Rowling was a strange case, anyway. Her first book was rejected over fifty times before Scholastic finally took it on - and it paid off for them in spades. (I bet the other forty-nine publishers feel pretty stupid right now over that one). All I need is a damn foot in the door. Heck, just let me get a toe in there.

Anyhow, in other news, my daughter is coming home from college to visit us for the holidays and guess what she's bringing with her? The Boyfriend. He sounds like an okay kid, don't get me wrong. It's just going to be weird, that's all. You have to remember that this is my daughter, the one whom I changed diapers for and taught her how to ride a bike. (Then I taught her how to drive a car, but that disaster is another story for another time). It's just hard for me to picture her all grown up, that's all. I have the utmost respect for her for continuing her education and making something of herself. My greatest hope for her is that she will one day be everything I wasn't able to be - a successful, competent adult.

One thing that's been bothering me, other than breaking the bank for Christmas, is the fact that Mom's health is steadily sliding downhill. She's been like a rock, always there for me, and now I get the feeling that soon she won't be. That's hard to face. Dad's dying back in '92 was hard enough. I stayed shit-faced for 3 months solid because I simply couldn't deal with the grief head-on. Even though Mom and I have had our 'moments' in the past where we didn't get along so well, her passing will devastate me.

The reason I'm pushing so hard to publish a novel is for her sake. To prove to her that I could actually do it. She has always been my worst critic, and would tell me point-blank to my face if my writing was crap. She's never pulled any punches with me over the years. If what I wrote or created actully sucked, she told me so. I don't know why it's so important to me to impress her, but it is. Maybe it's because she has an I.Q. of 140-something and I don't. Maybe because I was such a screw-up and a total loser all of my life and she wasn't. She was more impressed when my cousin Rachel got her Master's in Journalism and went to work at the Wall Street Journal. Me, I ended up at a mid-grade daily paper making a decent salary, and again it just wasn't 'good enough.' Do you have any idea how much I'd LOVE to waive a $900,000 book advance in everyone's faces? It would be like, "See, I wasn't such a total shit-head after all." It's like saying, "See, I can do this too."

So, maybe my reasons for wanting to publish a novel aren't so noble. Essentially, I want to do this to prove not only to Mom and the rest of the world that I can write, but to myself as well. In a memorable scene from the movie 'City Slickers,' Jack Palance's character is shown holding up an index finger, basically telling Billy Crystal's character that to find true happiness you need to find that 'one' thing you do well - and enjoy doing it. I've tried all sorts of things - graphics and photography, etc. Writing is what I keep coming back to. It's my 'one' thing.

What makes a writer a writer? They write. That's all. Even if I never get published, I'll still keep at it. God knows I've carpet-bombed every writer's forum I can find with my stories and input, so sooner or later my own brand of viral marketing might pay off.

Until later,

Jillian

Yeah, yeah, I know. I have't written anything here since January.

Hey, I've been busy. I made a lateral move to a larger newspaper where I have hope of a promotion sometime before I am old enough to retire, plus I have a 'pension program' (yes, they DO exist, unlike the Unicorn and the wood sprite). At least I'm doing something productive in regard to my writing, My MS 'Golden Hour' is being looked over by a literary agency (yes, a real one, not one of those fly-by-nights I got sucked into before), and there's some editing to do (they want me to cut it from 98,000 words to around 85K, plus fix some plot holes. Then they'll try to market it for me. It would be cool if it sold...

Anyway, the reason I'm writing today is to make note of my latest foray into NaNoWriMo again this year. I'm going to finish this time, I swear. I'm not going to attempt to use an outline like I did last time. No, this time it will be completely free-written. It won't be publishable anyway (because it's online), but maybe something interesting will come out of it. I'm still working on my other novel, 'Salem's Crossing,' about an aging paranormal investigator who solves mysteries sort of like Angela Lansbury in 'Murder She Wrote.' I know that the TV shows 'Medium' and 'Ghost Whisperer' are out there, plus there's already another novelist writing stories involving a ghost-hunting team, but mine's different. It's more dark, symbolic and edgy than one might expect. Since there's a market for that sort of thing right now, might as well strike while the iron's hot (there's my love of cliches again).

Anyway, NaNo '06 is ready to start in a few days, and my fingers are poised over the keyboard, itching to begin. If I last more than 20 days, I'll be shocked and amazed. But why not, eh? It's something to do. Until later - Jillian

Creativity Finally Flowing Again...

Long time, no write. And not just here, either. I had to do some relocating, both mentally and physically, but now things seem to be rolling.

In the past few months I've chucked three UFO's (UnFinished Opus) into the virtual garbage can and started four new ones. Of the four, I like two of them. I was going to send an MS to Lulu.com just for shits and giggles, but then I didn't see the point of submitting an MS that took me eight months' worth of blood, sweat and tears to produce and get nothing back for it money-wise.

Never, ever write 'just for free.' If you're going to waste your time, take up ping-pong.

In the meantime, I've managed to get what I've always wanted - a secluded home in the country with nothing but tall pines for company. I have my own office now, more or less, and for the longest time I STILL couldn't finish anything I'd started. I literally couldn't write squat. Well, that's changing, finally. I've got a couple of great ideas that I'm actually putting down on paper (or should I say, screen). This has all happened because I moved yet again, this time for thousands of miles. Funny how a change of scenery can spur a sluggish mind into thinking again.

Anyway, I do believe I'll finish at least one novel by March and get it submitted (to an agent this time - no more direct publisher contact). The second one that shows promise will probably be completed sometime this summer, if all goes well. Hopefully one of them will be published - for real! I respect Lulu.com and other avenues like it, but they're just not for me. The real money is with the big publishers. I like to write, but then again, I'm not doing this for personal enrichment (or whatever the hell they're calling it these days). I'm doing this for money, and not just small money either. Big time bucks. Stephen King-type bucks. J.K. Rowling - type bucks. All my other sources of income have ceased or been misdirected, so it's now time to sink or swim.

This need not make sense to anyone but me.

I sent off a couple of book reviews to a local rag in the hope that they'll publish them. My only published item in 2005 was a letter to an editor I wrote to a local paper, complaining about the lack of jobs in this area. It was creative whining, but whining just the same. I'm surprise they ran it.

As for publication; it's not like I really need the money - I own land and a home and I do have resources, but still... I've worked ever since I was 13 and being home all day long while staring at my computer is not a life by any means. Well, on the bright side, I have plenty of time to get something written.

That's it for now. This message is mainly for those curious as to where I've been and why I've been incommunicado for several months on end.

I'm still alive, still writing and I'm still getting by.

Until later,

Jillian

Writing How-To Books: What's Good & What Ain't

I've been reading up on the old how-to's of writing during the last couple of weeks. There's any number of good ones out there and there's an equal number of crappy ones as well.

Janet Burroway has written possibly the best book on writing that I've ever found. Her 'Writing Fiction: The Art of the Narrative Craft' is easy to understand, provides exercises and provokes thought in ways that most writing guides do not. I've read a few other gems as well but I don't remember the titles off the top of my head. 'Fiction First Aid' is another, but the author's name escapes me at the moment. And then there are the awful ones. As much as I hate to say it, Stephen King's 'On Writing' is putrid. He spends more time wandering off-topic than he does telling me, the wannabe author, anything I can actually use. He does rail on about adverbs and adjectives being overused, but I've seen that same thing in countless other how-to writing guides.

If you've read any of these writing how-to books, you know the ones I'm talking about. The books where the author basically does nothing but wax poetic about the 'zen' of the writing experience. What a load of crap. I don't need to hear about how magical it is to write. If it wasn't worth my time, I wouldn't be doing it. I picked up maybe twelve or thirteen books at the library last week and maybe four of them had any actual information on the mechanics of writing and building a story or novel. The rest of them just went on and on about how important and mystical the act of writing is.

Now, don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't mind some mid-list semi-professional writer or editor telling me tips and tricks of what helped them get published, but in some cases they don't offer any really helpful advice. Not to mention, better than half of the people publishing these how-to books are not even that famous. In fact, some of them don't really write full-time for a living. Most are editors that managed to work for a big publishing house, so therefore their words on the subject are instantly golden. I suppose that's true to some extent, but let's get real, folks. I can live with the self-important editors, they're just that way. It's the mid-list romance authors writing those how-to books that I can't stand. I get email from one of them, Emily Hanlon. Her whole thing is about how to 'nurture your muse.' I suppose that mystical garbage works well for her, but for me it's just plain retarded to waste your time thinking about the art of writing rather than just sitting down to write. My advice to writers, if any, is to just WRITE. Don't contemplate how wonderful the experience is, don't get all misty-eyed about it, just DO it. You can't publish anything if you don't get it written.

There. I've ranted enough on that subject for now.

In other news....

My time online these days is very limited. I live out in the back country and have no real internet connection, so that leaves me plenty of time to write, as opposed to surfing the net and chat forums all day long. I've got several projects going right now and have been writing like crazy. In an effort to cut down on editing time, I've been fixing stuff as I go. This has slowed me down some, I admit, but at least I'm getting stuff down on paper. 'Golden Hour' is 1/3 complete, as well as a couple of short stories I've managed to get done & sent out. 'R&D' is still in stasis waiting for a re-write, and 'Dancing' is somewhere in limbo-land. Meanwhile, 'Golden Hour' will be short and to the point. It's hardcore suspense, so that should have a better chance of getting published quickly, especially if 'Dancing' does well. Crossing fingers on that one. 'Golden Hour' is basically the sequel to 'Dancing,' but done from a different POV. I'm writing it quickly, too, editing as I go. That way, hopefully I'll only have to rewrite it from the beginning once or twice before it gets printed & sent off. I hate editing, but that's the life of a writer. Maybe I should wax poetic about how much it sucks to rewrite an entire novel from Square One, like I did 5 times for R&D.

Anyhow, that's it for now.

Final thought: When it comes to How-To books, choose wisely.

Keep writing,

Jillian

The More Things Change, The More They Stay the Same

It's been a long three months since I posted here last. A lot of things have happened. I sent 'Dancing With the Darkness' to an agent, who agreed to represent me and she told me she thinks she can sell it. That was back in January. Since then, I haven't signed anything yet, but a small publisher has agreed to take a look at the book. If they take it on, any revenue coming to me would be based on 8% commission of per-jacket sales, but no advance because I'm previously unpublished (and therefore unproven). Not bad, I suppose, but the agent says that if they take it, it will be more than a year before I begin seeing checks come in from the sale. I figure I'll know one way or another by August, and I've been told that the publisher is going to change the title of the book to something a little more marketable (but what that is, I don't know).

I'm past the jumping-for-joy stage and into the 'anxiously waiting for a contract' phase. If it goes through, the agent gets 30% of my 8%, which is a good chunk, but worth it (I suppose) to finally see my stuff in print.

In other news, I've gone back to work on The Rose and The Dandelion. A large re-write is in order, because some of the subject matter may be unpalatable for readers. The first draft went way beyond what I wanted it to do and even wandered into several subplots I'd never intended. What is R&D? A sort of 'American Beauty' on crack. 'Dancing' will probably not be a bestseller, but I think R&D's got a chance at being one. I've got to make it marketable, though. There are some aspects to the story that people may find too hard to understand or identify with, and I have to work on those. Again, as I've said in the past, I have a hard time thinking in the way that most people do. My thought process is horribly skewed somehow, and I often don't catch it when I'm writing. In order to focus more on writing, I've quit my job at the paper and now I've suddenly got all this time on my hands. I've got 40 grand in the bank, so I can live on that for a while, but if I haven't done anything within the next 6 months, I might be in trouble. In the meantime, I've got nothing but time.

In all reality, I was going to quit my job a long time ago. I used the excuse that some freak from the ------- forum was calling me at work as my reason for leaving, but that wasn't it. No, it was a hostile work environment. I had too many people breathing down my neck, and to be honest, it ate up so much of my free time that I couldn't even run to the post office on an errand without feeling guilty. I was chained to my desk, but I'm free now. Free to think, dream and write.

Writing IS important to me, and I've had what I wanted on the back burner for so long that it was growing cold.

And so I left my job, moved out of town and now I'm living in the middle of nowhere. It's not bad out there. No traffic noise, no train noise, no people arguing next door. Just us alone, on the high desert plain. I love the afternoons the most, when I can take one of the dogs and walk the dirt roads, watching the setting sun turn this quiet out-of-the-way world into gold. The wind tosses the weeds across the ground, stirring up the occasional jack rabbit, and this symphony of whispers is punctuated by the infrequent howl of the coyotes in the distance. Who ever thought that desert could be heaven? I've always loved the desert for some reason, maybe for the utter emptiness of it. A place devoid of humanity. A place where (for a little while)I can pretend I'm the only living person on earth, all alone with my thoughts. And in the evenings, when the last pink rays of the dying sun caress the hilltops, I find myself smiling for the first time in many years.

Home.

Thoughts on Current Events and Other Stuff

Well, I don't know what Lucida Grande font is, but I'll give it a whirl (if it shows up, that is).

Yeah, I know... It's been a while since my last post. A lot of things have happened since early November, when I posted last.

I've been concerned with this huge tidal wave that hit every coast in South Asia, affecting countries like India, Sri Lanka, Indonesia and many others. It reminds me of a vivid dream that I published as a story on Writing.com some time back. I won't go into it here, not enough time, but let's just say it had to do with children from many different countries fleeing from disaster and rising flood waters. The Tsunami that hit on the day after Christmas is being interpreted in many different ways - Nature culling men, a sign from God that we need to straighten our act up, global warming (though I don't know how global warming would cause earthquakes), and just a plain old natural occurrence that just happened to kill over 120,000 people. I'm going with the last one. The earth will do its thing, regardless of whether Man is here or not. Funny how people always try to read 'meaning' into disaster.

I've joined a new writing group, too. It's just a discussion group, not a crit group, and even though I'm just trying to spark conversation as I usually do, I know I'm already aggravating a few regular old-timers there. They prefer the status quo - everybody writing a little something from time to time, but no real in-depth discussion of writing issues. I'm rubbing their noses in it and some of the older writing queens in there don't like being told that they just might be wrong on the advice that they've been giving to the newbies. But that's just me. I have learned a lot in the past couple of years about writing, and I'm only trying to share what I've found out. The PUBLISHED writers in the group all wholeheartedly agree with everything I've said. I bent a few noses out of shape, but that's about all. I will probably always be a pariah, because I can't ever keep my mouth shut and behave. But then again, women who keep their mouth shut very seldom ever get recognized. I think I should consider myself the "Accidental Troll." I'm coming off as a message board troll, even though that's not my intention at all.

Actually, the only forum where I get any respect is on the UFO forum, a place I've been going lately to gather material for a novel. That IS a subject that I know a good deal about, and I've been putting my two cents in. Some like it, some don't, but that's life. I also rejoined Fictionaddiction.net under a new name and leaving my gender unspoken, hoping to start off on a different foot than I did before. That particular forum is very clicquey, and you have to tread carefully or else you'll piss them off and no one will talk to you. I'm not a butt-kisser, though, and sooner or later I'll speak my mind again, making more enemies. I want to talk about writing and maybe get a little inspiration or encouragement, because lately I've had very little of either. I wanted to write a novel about ghost-hunting and EVP's, but then the movie 'White Noise' is coming out, so that topic will soon be over done. I can't win.

Oh, well.

I want to begin another novel and see it through. I like "Rose and the Dandelion," but I'll never be able to write it the way I really want to. I may just do it anyway, just to get it out of my face. I've come to the conclusion that until I finish that particular novel, I won't be able to write anything else. It needs some revamping, though. There are parts that make no logical sense that I need to work out. I've also been thinking about working on my memoirs, too. I have a good start on it, and I've gotten good reviews on it, so far. I know I could never publish that book though, until Mom passes away. It does make her look like a bad guy in the beginning. I want to work it out so that by the end, it shows how Mom and I finally mended fences and how I was able to (more or less) get back on my feet mentally. I know there are people out there who've had a much worse childhood than I did, so my story isn't unique. I've also been thinking about novelizing it, with a little disclaimer in the beginning about how some events described are based on real occurrences. I want to write a horror novel - one that no one else has ever thought of and even with 'White Noise' out there, my angle is still intact. I keep trying to work 'Shadow People' into it, mainly because I find them scary as all hell. They're hard to make scary in writing, though. Compared to all the crap that's out there in movieland and what Stephen King wrote, there's not much else that's really scary anymore.

In my new writing group we've been discussing Opening Lines, and what separates the good from the bad. The posts on it have been interesting to say the least, with people finally jumping into the conversation. I've been struggling with opening lines for the longest time, and after going through all of my recent writings, I couldn't find a single 'good' one to post to the group site. I ended up writing one out of thin air and was told that though it was good, it wasn't strong. It helps me grow as a writer when I hear things like that. It makes me strive for better writing. I can take criticism a lot better than I used to.

Well, all that being said, I think I'll work on R&D for a little while.

- Jillian

Slowly but surely...

I managed to write two entire chapters last night - writing it directly into the blog post window. That's odd for me. I normally compose in Word 2000 and then cut and paste into the blog (or whatever forum I'm posting my writings to). You're not supposed to go back and edit what you write during NaNoWriMo, but I had to. I'm too much of a perfectionist to cast my compulsion to edit by the wayside.

Actually, reading back on the thing, it's not that bad. I'm not happy with the characterizations so far, but I'm treating it as a first draft anyway, so I can always go back and fix it later on. My main concern is that what I put on the page doesn't resemble the rambling I've seen on other blogs done on the NaNoWriMo site. Maybe it's just pride, I don't know. I just don't want to look like an idiot. As I mentioned in my earlier post, there are some really good NaNo blogs, though. I saw one that should really be published material. The guy is good and evidently doesn't know it. If it were mine, there's no way in hell I'd post it on the internet. I'd post a link to that site here, but I lost track of the URL and now I don't feel like paging back through to find it again. I should have bookmarked it. Oh, well. It basically served the purpose of setting a standard for me to emulate in my own writing.

Characterization - the one hurdle I can't seem to jump on the first try. Why is it that I can envision the characters in my head but can't force them through my damned hands and into writing? I feel sort of lost without C_W now. That writing group was one in a million - I could believe the criticism I got there. But, such is life. On the other hand, I know that I've outgrown writing groups and should start trying to write something of substance. I just posted this long rant on the paranormal board about people these days being unable to think and process things for themselves. I think I'm guilt-projecting, wishing I had the massive brain-power of a Faulkner or a Thoreau. It's not that I'm a stupid person, I just lack good communication skills. That, and I'll admit I'm out of touch with real people. I study them, trying to pick up subtle things that makes them individuals, but then I feel like the proverbial cold-blooded scientist studying pygmies. I see them, but I just don't F___ing understand them. That's why my characters are so wooden. I have not a clue what makes people tick. The simple knowledge of that drives me crazy.

Anyhow, I'm writing on. I think I can add another 4,000 words to the blog novel by Wednesday, if all goes well. I do have a lot of irons in the fire, including that insurance exam next Saturday, but I don't want it to distract me from working on the story. I already have the next two chapters in mind, I just need to force them out.

Until later,
Jillian

When All Else Fails...

When you're a horror writer and you can't think of anything scary to write about, join a paranormal group. You will find the craziest stuff in there. Because I like to write in this genre, I frequently browse through the paranormal sites for new ideas when none come by me on their own. I recently joined the ------list on -------, mostly looking for information on Shadow People, which is supposed to be the subject of my NaNoWriMo blog-novel. Instead, I've been drawn into weird conversations over time portals and trans-dimensional travel. Though from a writer's standpoint, I AM interested in those subjects, I didn't find much on Shadow People. One guy says they're 'spirit guardians' (another name for guardian angels). Others say they're simply a new form of entity like a ghost or a demon, while still more people say they're aliens traveling in between dimensions. Lots of theories to kick around, that's for sure. At any rate, I should get started on my blog. I need to write at least 1,200 words per day to make the 50K mark. I think I'll start tonight, after what I've learned from -------------------.com.

It's not easy just to sit down and pound out a novel. I can sit here tonight and write 7,500 words, no sweat, but the ideas have to come to me. I've already outlined the novel, and now I need to work on character sketches so that the story can begin to take on its full shape. I've browsed some of the other NaNo blogs, and some are pretty good, while others are simply confusing. I don't want to churn out a 50K load of crap, though. That seems pointless to me. I could write my version of James Joyce's 'Finnegan's Wake," and compose the novel in dream-speech. I could write 50K worth of gibberish and it would all be the same as far as anyone else is concerned. Does anybody really read these things, anyway?

Well, I'd better get started. I had the perfect opportunity today - everyone was gone and I was alone at home. I ended up surfing the net instead, wasting even more time. Somehow writing has become a chore - something my mind wants to do but my body is fighting it. I'll just start typing tonight, basing the new chapter(s) on myoutline, and see what happens. Sooner or later I'd like to finish a decent novel that has a ghost's chance in hell of being published. It's difficult, though. I think I'm pushing myself way too hard.

That's all for now -
Write on,

Jillian

Finally Getting Over Writer's Block

I guess I can count being booted from my favorite writing group as a blessing in disguise. I've finally been able to think of things to write about once again. After months and months of writing stories that were pure crap, I think I've finally got some decent ideas cooking.

I came up with a new idea for a short story last night. I won't mention it here, even though I doubt anyone actually reads these things, and if anyone does, they won't really care. But the good news is that the rusty wheels of my imagination have broken loose and are turning. Before long, my train of thought will be heading down the tracks at full steam.

I swear, I've tried everything known to man about how to get rid of writer's block, and as it turned out, the group that I loved being part of was what killed my urge to write. It can be put down to several things - I could never, ever write anything they liked, and when I finally started getting 'close,' I found that I was writing stuff that I didn't like. There comes a point when writing groups and criticism just aren't doing you any good, and are hindering rather than helping. I've ditched all the writing groups except for one, and I'm debating as to whether or not to keep it. It's turned into more of a mutual admiration society than a true crit group. I find that I'm forced to say 'I liked this, but..." in order not to piss anyone off at me. I'd much rather be blunt and say, "Sorry, but this sucks, and here's why..."

I began a story last night, but before I could really get into it, I was called away from my computer and never did get back. In that same span of time, other ideas for that same story crept in, and now I'm thinking of a whole new angle. It has to do with dreams and alternate realities, but a completely new take on it that I'm pretty sure I've never seen before. If it's anything a writer hates, it's someone else grabbing their 'angle' and running with it before said writer gets a chance to get anything of their idea on paper. Hell, I'm even thinking of participating in NaNoWriMo.

NaNoWriMo, or 'National Novel Writer's Month,' is a time when the NaNo folks set about trying to write a 50K -word (or more) novel in 30 days or less, taking place in November. (Maybe because November has exactly 30 days). The emphasis is supposed to be on the writing itself, not the product. You're supposed to just write, and not worry about errors, lack of plot, etc. But I've always thought that blowing out a 50K hunk of crap is a big waste of time. Why write a novel that can't sell? But then, I'm thinking... what if I had an outline before I started? I might end up with a usable first draft. I've got tons of outlines that I've abandoned for one reason or another. Maybe it's time to dust one of them off and see what I can make of it. To write 50K words in 30 days, one must write 1,500 words a day, give or take a few. I know I can top that. I write 2,000 words a day while just banging out ideas in an outline or wasting time rambling on my blogs.

In the meantime, I should be writing more. I feel the urge to write again. It's not as strong as it used to be, but it's there and it's growing. Part of my problem now is lack of time. Days seem to be flying by at breakneck speed, and an entire week, month, year is gone before I know it. I'm working a full time job at the newspaper, but I'm also taking on some part-time insurance work to have extra money to invest for retirement. It's pretty much eating up all of my spare time. When I get home, I'm usually too damned tired to sit in front of a keyboard. I'm sitting in front of one now, and there are stories in mind itching to be told, but yet, I'm piddling around with blogs and message boards. I need to figure out how I can focus, somehow. Once I get that straightened out, I can begin to be productive again.

Well, that's it for now. Until Later,
Jillian

Writer's Block from Hell...

I've been struggling off and on for months with writer's block. It's crippling to my creative side. I've even quit painting and taking photos, which are my usual outlet if the writing's no good. So, I'm left to wonder, what lies behind writer's block what is it and how can it be 'cured?'

Based on the fact that just about all of my creative outlets have been shut down, I'm wondering if it has to do with stress and the fact that I keep telling myself, "Okay, you've GOT to write something today. Write something, no matter how awful it is, just DO SOMETHING."

That insistent little voice is almost always there. The only time it isn't is when I'm about to fall asleep. Maybe I'm simply pushing myself too hard. It's like trying to squeeze water out of stone. It's not going to be forced out.

Some of the remedies I've read about for writer's block are the following:

- Take a long walk, get out of the house and enjoy nature
(tried that)
- Read a book, or read several books.
(tried that, too)
- Simply put the need to write out of mind for at least two weeks.
(tried that, and it only made it worse)
- Pull up some story prompts and just write whatever comes to mind, even if it's complete crap.
(tried that, and now I have at least 12 incomplete short stories that are complete crap)
- Write about something you've never tried before, or in a genre you've never tried before.
(tried that, too, but the end result was hideous)
- Edit some older stories and see if there's a fresh way to look at them.
(doing this currently)

I sat down the other day and listed all the things I thought might be causing me stress and rendering me incapable of concentration. The top three things I came up with weren't what I'd figured they'd be. At first, I figured it was just the pressure of my job, occasional fights with my husband over the fact that I spend so much time in front of the computer and the fact that I'm studying to get my securities license to sell mutual funds.

What came first to mind were these:

1. My online writing groups.

I had four of them, and last month I cut two of them loose. I kept the short story group and Critical_Writing. I'm free to talk about Critical_Writing now because the owner of that group discovered that I'd joined an alternate group, Critical_Writing_Annex, started by a bunch of members he'd booted the previous month. I'd only been in Annex for about 4 days when I left over differences in running the group with the site's owner. I went back to Critical_Writing and tried to forget that I'd ever joined Annex. Still, during that time, C_W's owner was cold and distant in respect to replies on crits and submissions I'd made, so I figured he already knew I'd been at Annex.

As time went on, I began to wonder why I even cared. The guy who owns the C_W site is a gifted writer and I'd learned a great deal from him over two years time, but no one ever knew what would set him off and cause him to eject people from the group list. A few days ago, one of the members (at least I think it was a member, but could have been a troll) from Annex posted two crits to C_W and I sent her an email telling her what she'd done. The next morning, I got up and went to work and checked my email to find that Mark had not only booted me from C_W, but had banned me from ever returning as well. I was shocked, but I admit that I sort of saw it coming. Just by my joining Annex, even for a short period of time, I KNEW he would see me as some kind of 'traitor.' That wasn't it at all. I just wanted one more writing group to circulate my stuff around in. But that's the way he sees things. I'm pretty sure Mark had another friend of his named Helen (or he might have done it himself) go into Annex under a different name and get the member list there and/or scrolled through the posts to see what people from his group were ther and what they might have said. He (or they) found maybe two or three posts from me and that was it. He booted me out. Of course, I was pretty brutal on the last critique I gave him. I'm sure that didn't help either.

In retrospect, I'm not too unhappy to see Critical_Writing go, and even though I had a couple of friends there that I'll miss, the group itself was undermining my creativity so badly that I literally couldn't write anything that wasn't geared to please them. It got to the point where I'd finally write something that I actually liked, and I'd submit it there for crtique, and they'd rip it to shreds and say it was boring. They hated anything that wasn't fantasy, sci-fi or horror. The only reason I stayed so long was Mark himself - he's a damned good writer even though he's somewhat afraid to find out just how good he is due to some inner fear of rejection. I wanted to emulate his style so badly, knowing that if he wouldn't seek publication, I could adopt his style and do it for my damned self. I'm used to rejection. Now, at least he's trying to publish stuff with some online magazines, and I suppose that's a start. I overlooked his volatile temperament for so long because I knew how creative-types can be. They are frequently explosive in temper, but the fruit of their minds is a glory to behold. I don't really hate him for booting me out. I always knew that if I ever left that group it would be because they kicked me out. No surprise there. Maybe now that C_W is behind me, I can now focus on writing what I want to write, rather than writing to please a clicque.

2. No place quiet to write.

I live in a tin can of a mobile home and I earn 35K annually. My husband makes even more than I do.We live in a city that boasts the most-inflated real estate values in the country. Milk is 4 bucks a gallon, nearly twice that of gasoline. It's so expensive to live here that even though we earn 70K a year, we're still scraping by from paycheck to paycheck. Hence, the trailer and its matchstick walls.There's four of us crammed into a small space and I have nowhere quiet to go so that I can clear my mind enough to focus on my writing.
That's why I'm studying to get my securities license, so that I can make enough money at a second job to get into a bigger place.

3. My health is going downhill due to job stress.

I'm tired every day and I have to force myself to get up and go to work. I have headaches almost all of the time now, and I have no energy. I know that part of it is my high blood pressure and sleep problems (I haven't had a solid night's sleep in months). And the other part of it is stress, which aggravates the first two things just mentioned. I literally can't afford to go to a doctor, but I'm going to have to do so and soon. The other night, my blood pressure was up so high that I was certain that I'd have a heart attack or stroke before the night was over. If I'm tired and hurting, there's no way I can write.

And there's TV. Sometimes I just vegetate in front of the tube and next thing I know, the day's gone by. There may be something even deeper than that. A fear of failure, maybe, or something else I can't even identify. Whatever it is, I can't seem to get around it.

Anyway, I'm working some of my older stuff now, and hoping that with the severe reduction in the number of critique groups my writing muse will one day return. I'm pretty sure it's not just simple writer's block. It's almost a death of my creative side. If it's not dead, it's at least severely atrophied. In time, maybe if I get into a larger house and with an office where I can have peace and quiet, and if my health can return to the point where I'm not tired all the time, I might be able to get something done. Until then, I guess I'm editing my brains out.

Write on,

Jillian